My dearest youngest daughter Risiel,
Hi there, it’s mommy. You know, mamama, mooommmyyy!! The one whose blue hair you like to play with, glasses you must chew on, and giver of ‘toes’ time? Yeah, it’s me.
As you race towards your first birthday in what only can be the most alarming pace ever, I cannot help but realize that… I’m not ready.
I am, but I’m not. As each day passes you start to do more and more and my little innocent baby turns into this amazingly busy little girl. Just the other night while we were making dinner you, my Risi, took an amazing 13 unassisted steps! Right across the living room to your big sister Lisi. No prompting, nothing. You just went.
I haven’t had a child who walked this much before the age of 1 aside from your biggest sister Kat. She was full out walking and running across my former apartment by 7 1/2 months old. So.. a little over 11 months may not be as quickly, but your big big sister Sisi, big brother Var and big sister Lisi weren’t walking until anyplace between 13.5 – 15 months. Still within normal enough ages, and I don’t count ‘walking’ until you’re taking more than 10 steps on your own at a time. Mind you, instead of what many doctors consider – 3 by the way- as walking. Yes.. I’m difficult. But if I was to go by that you’ve been walking since just before you hit the 11 month mark, and your oldest sister at 7 months.
I’m not yet ready for you to hit the 1 year mark. The mark where you aren’t just a ‘baby’ anymore. The mark where I have to take you off your bottles that you only have as we snuggle right before naps or bedtime. I’m not ready…
But I am. At the same time it is hard to believe that just a year ago today I was sick and weak from complications we were having due to our differing blood-types, it’s amazing to see how much you’ve grown.
I’m going through the same set of emotions now that I went through when I thought Lisi was the final, but now.. I know it’s permanent. The struggle the past year has been for me health and energy wise shows me that really, I can’t do this again. Besides, 5 is good. Sure it’s an uneven number… and I hate those… but it’s good.
*sigh* It’s been so little time since those first steps, 2-3 steps, then 4, then a little more, and then bam. 13 darn steps? I’m ready because it’s amazing, and I’m not because it means we’re both growing up.
That’s a hard thing to cope with.
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