“The sun is shining!” I gasp as I run to the kitchen window and do a little dance with my dancing solar flower. Seconds later I realize just how much the grayness of the weather is getting to me. Just how much that the harsh gray dullness of the constantly cloudy skies have made me feel.
Slow, tired, achy, joyless.
But that isn’t to say I haven’t had moments of joy! Oh no, there have been moments but it seems the weather sucks the life out of me and likely many others. I still wish I could move to a place where the sun shone more often, and snow was just something on TV and Christmas cards.
It doesn’t help that I spent three of the last few weeks sick and hardly able to breathe. Struggling to sleep, struggling to be awake, struggling just to make it through the moments of being mom and doing what I do on a daily basis.
That’s why posts aside from reviews and coupons have been so slim, I was sick and the grayness of it all has zapped my strength.
A conversation in the car today made my heart clench in sadness.
“So we’re poor?” Var asked rather innocently as we were talking about Christmas.
“We’re fine enough sweety, I don’t want you kids to have to worry about it.” They’re kids, I don’t want them to be worried about our finances or anything like that. It’s mostly under control, it’s just a struggle to pay all the bills on time.
It doesn’t help that I have a good almost $3k in credit card debt right now, and I loathe to say that in such a public forum, but there it is.
We’d be better off if I hadn’t spent three weeks sick with a voice that was just off, I couldn’t apply for nor land any voice over jobs in order to help make ends meet, and I hardly had the energy to sit here and do the various other jobs that help make ends meet right now while Aussie and I wait for his paperwork to go through.
I digress, sorry.
The rest of my trip was sad, I tried to feel better but I looked out at the scene around me. Bright, but gray, gloomy, ice on the roads that make stopping hard, yet so many are driving with their typical lack of care for others. My kids might be worrying about our finances and I don’t want that. My toes and fingers are cold despite what I’m wearing, the clouds overhead loom and the chance of snow makes me want to curl back up in bed until everything is gone and melted.
I inwardly frown at myself as I drive, thinking about how it could be far worse, we’ve had far far worse winters were the piles of snow were far taller than me. Here I am whining over a few inches and a layer of ice on the road. But it is what it is and I can’t change either of them.
*sigh*
I’m sorry I am such a Debby-downer today! I didn’t get a ton of sleep last night and it’s been a rough couple of weeks.
I hope to have more giveaways and interesting content soon, as I’m planning on having some more felt food tutorials up just for the heck of it. I decided I am not going to run my own business on Etsy with it anymore, once everything is sold I’m pretty much done with attempting to sell things I’ve made like that.
So hopefully people will look forward to that. I will also start putting up videos to help with pronunciation of the Japanese posts I do have up. I’m sorely behind on them and I’m not even really sure anyone watches them. Maybe not, but maybe.
I hope everyone is doing well and is excited for Christmas. I’m excited to see the looks on the kids faces and to have the biggest holiday over and done with.
I’m also ready for the year to end, I hope that 2013 is calmer than 2012 was. I’m exhausted!
Leave a Reply